By Michael Milner
Minister of Education:
In response to your recent cuts to education I would
like to make a suggestion. Please do not disregard this
suggestion before reading fully as it may greatly affect
our future.
I have thought the matter over carefully and would now
like to suggest that you eliminate all government funded
education. You may be shocked to hear it said so abruptly
but I know that you agree, seeing that all your recent
actions have indicated it. To help you see the benefits I
will go over the problems that will be solved.
The largest of education's problems occur at the
university level. The technologies created and researched
at most universities are wastes of money and potentially
hazardous. Genetic research, nuclear research and
biological experimentation are just some of the "advances"
being investigated at some of our universities. If we
could eliminate these universities then we would eventually
stop the development of polluting technologies by stopping
research and cutting off the flow of university grads into
the workforce. Getting rid of universities would also help
people who dislike awkward situations and enjoy keeping to
themselves from being forced to meet people. Eliminating
universities will help stop some problems, but to realize
all of the benefits of eliminating government funded
education we must look at the primary and secondary school
level.
In most places this level of schooling extends from
five years of age (primary) to eighteen years (Grade
twelve). That's thirteen years our youth are wasting in
school. If, instead of entering school, our five year olds
entered the workforce, imagine the work experience they
would gain over a thirteen year period! Obviously, we could
not start a five year old as a doctor or a lawyer or any
other profession that required a mature mind, but they could
be started as assembly line workers doing simple work that
did not require much strength. If in each school there
were twenty students in every grade (primary to twelve) and
there were forty schools in every province then we would be
looking at over ten thousand new workers from our province
alone, even with these VERY conservative estimates. If you
look at the country as a whole, that is over 120,000 new
members for our workforce. I have been going on and on
about this new workforce and you must be wondering how we
will pay all these new workers; well, have you ever given a
child a dollar? Children are always thrilled at getting money.
We could pay a five year old two dollars for a ten hour day
and they would be happy. As to the parents, well, imagine
getting two dollars a day from your child instead of paying
three dollars a day just for their lunch! That is to say
nothing about the cost of school supplies, clothes and
activities. Once the children got older, they could start
to move into more advanced jobs that required a bit more
responsibility. A servant or a paper carrier would be a
typical step up, and from there maybe to an industrial
worker or a truck driver. Another concern you might have
is how we would be able to get people to operate our high-
tech systems that are already in place. Who would control
our water system? Who would maintain our power stations?
The people that currently control these important processes
would teach the new workers what they had to do; that way
the workers would be able to concentrate on their one task
and not have to think about anything else. Keeping our
workers' minds focused will keep them from thinking
negative thoughts and hopefully, eventually, we will be
able to reduce stress levels by reducing the workers'
knowledge of world problems and issues that do not concern
them. I understand that you're the one who has to finish
putting this plan into action and that you have to calm any
opposition and that you have to take the blame for the
mishaps but, more importantly, I know who the major problem
will be: the teachers.
My only suggestions for dealing with the teachers are
that you offer the older ones early retirement and that the
younger ones help to place the new workers into their new
positions.
If we want a larger, happier, and less stress-ridden
workforce, then you are to be congratulated for the serious
steps you have already taken to eliminate government funded
education.
Of course this will require many documents to be
created and, of course, given out so I also suggest
that you increase the paper budget so that we can get on
with it.
Yours truly,
Michael Milner,
Student